I love how my cats smell like pot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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