Just fell off a train. Bad.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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