TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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