We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
