I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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