My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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