PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
