You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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