I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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