The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
