She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
