I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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