they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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