I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
