No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
