Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
