I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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