At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
