I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
