the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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