i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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