Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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