none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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