I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You smell like stripper and shame
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
