i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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