I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
