She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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