It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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