I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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