I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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