Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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