We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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