college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
