I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
