she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
