Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
