I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
