this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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