just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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