So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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