You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
