I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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