The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
