just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
