she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just shotgunned beers for America
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
