Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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