And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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