Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
