The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
