Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
