Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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