I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
