I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
