you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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