Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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