Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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