Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone came in the potted fern
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
