that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
