I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
