Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize