its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
