Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
