I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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