I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
