So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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