Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
