Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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