Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do herpes really smell.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
