mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this beer tastes like vomit already
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
