The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
