Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
