i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
