..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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