I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
