I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
