I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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