Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
