I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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