Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We need a shit load of segways right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
