so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
