I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize