That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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