you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
