Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize