Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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