she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
