I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize