you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
