The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
