Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You took a bar mat shot.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
