There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
