Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's always time for handjobs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
