I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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