I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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