This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
