none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
