i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
