I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
