OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm like, not good at living.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
