I heard we made out
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize