I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
