You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
