Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
