Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
