why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize