watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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