I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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