help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
