Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize