Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
