so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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