we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
