We won't sleep together?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
